Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
