wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
