just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
