i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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