Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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