I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
