I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
