She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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