would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
