Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
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