the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
50% drunk capacity currently
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
