Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't turn off my feet"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I believe in your delicious
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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