I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
