Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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