That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
