shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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