I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A+ Viking dick
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
