I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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