I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
