Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
