i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
