Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
