So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Drake has all the answers
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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