im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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