I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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