PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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