this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
