friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
