Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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