brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
