My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
