hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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