Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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