At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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