I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
