The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Say something about gay babies.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
