Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
