Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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