My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
