Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize