Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
