I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
