The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
