I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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