im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
