i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
