I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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