Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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