So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
