I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
