did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
