no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
