They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
