i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
