I want to walk on stilts...naked
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
