Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
