I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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