you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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