please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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