Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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