I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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