...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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