omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
