I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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