"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
