I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How naked do you want me to be?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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