I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my being single is dangerous.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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