We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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