My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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