The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
