Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I look better un-naked...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
