I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
