We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
