Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize