dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
