If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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