i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
