Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize