dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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