Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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