He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need water and some morals
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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