whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
