I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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