Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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