wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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