I am in a vortex of obligation.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
