And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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