Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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